"timeo Danaos et dona ferentis"
(I fear the greeks, even when they bring gifts.)
- Virgil, "Aeneid" ii. 48
What would one term as an "ideal" gift ? And how does one find the appropriate gift for a given occasion ? Having done considerable research on the subject of gifts, I’ve realised that there are three approaches one can take in such situations; the traditional, the romantic, and the practical.
Traditional gifts are downright horrendous. A few years back there was this huge family gala affair, my grandparents hit 80. It’s called a Sadabhishekam for reasons beyond the scope of this effort (a convenient escape I adopt when the actual reason is "I don’t know").
I went with my mother to shop for a gift. My mother wanted to get them a pair of brass oil lamps. Oh, you can’t have missed these. Vegetable oil, smoldering cotton wick, abysmally dim light, nasty smell. We’ve seen them in all shapes and sizes just about anywhere.
I suggested that she get them a gas lamp instead. Self igniting, brilliant light, 80 hours on a single cylinder which can be replaced at any corner hardware store, doubles up as a good gas stove, it can’t get better than this. Especially considering the number of power-cuts one has in Madras.
After hours of arguing, my mother held out. And for their Sadabhisekam my grandparents got, from different people, 7 silver and brass lamp sets in sizes ranging from 6 inches to 3 feet, all of which are neatly packed in water-proof packing and stored in the attic in my grandparents house.
Gold necklaces, diamond earrings and other assorted jewelry also fall in the "traditional" section. They chiefly differ from lamps in that lamps reach the attic, whereas these, being a few rungs higher on the fiscal ladder, reach a bank vault.
To sum up, traditional gifts cost a lot and do nothing. Or even if they do something, they do it very badly.
The romantic category is a tricky one. All I know is that it has a lot of cute useless things which have little or no value. I have this vague idea that stuffed toys, perfume and roses come in this category. If only I knew more about this…
Finally, the practical section. Very simple, straightforward, rules apply here. The concept is fundamentally biblical. "Do onto others as you would others to you". Decide on your budget, and go get what you would like, wrap it up and gift it.
This is a clean principle, and usually works quite well for friends. Mind you, this is not guaranteed to work with friends of the other sex, so watch your step. I cannot extrapolate on that, since I don’t know much about the "other sex" either.
It doesn’t matter which way you go, but always remember to wrap your gift well. The wrapping should never betray the nature of the contents. That will spare the recipients from having to conceal their feelings of dismay with looks of gratitude.