March 08, 2007

10 heads... isn't that punishment enough?

He was well a-head of everyone else

The mythological villain Ravana had 10 heads. TEN HEADS !!! That's nearly a football team of heads; a whole B-17 crew of heads. It's a complete baseball team of heads more than the average person.

I don't think he was born with it, like some arbitrary mutation of genetic disorder. I mean, look at his brother Vibhishana. He's regular average Joe. Hands 2 check, legs 2 check, head 1 check. But his brother Kumbhakarna, again had some abnormal physical attributes; maybe their mother wore uranium jewelry.

What's most likely though, was that he got the nine extra mugs as a boon for doing penance. People got some rather crazy things those days in exchange for doing penance. I remember reading about this dude who  prayed to Shiva and got the ability to burn anything he touched. And then he just had to go and scratch his head.

Getting back to Ravana, I can't seem to think of anything positive about having 10 heads. Ravana must have been miserable! Just imagine:

  1. He can never make an entrance. His name is announced at the banquet hall, all the guests rise and look towards the door. 5 heads enter comically sideways, followed by a body and then 5 more heads. I'll bet all those lovely apsaras hanging out with Indra were sniggering into their dainty lace handkerchiefs.
  2. He would take forever to get ready in the morning. Ten sets of teeth to brush, ten faces to wash, ten chins to shave, ten heads to comb. His breakfast would be cold before he even got to face number six.
  3. A visit to the dentist's would take weeks. Or even the opticians. "Oh Ms. Veeblefletzer, do cancel all appointments for the next week; we're having Ravana over for a general checkup."
  4. 10 heads means 10 brains. And 10 distinct personalities. Head 7 could be a hippie, head 4 a neo-nazi, head 9 sportsman, and head 1 a drunkard. Head 3 and head 8 could be having a  personality clash, head 2 is a retard and head 5 could be the silent serial killer. Man, one head is messed up enough, but imagine having 10 messed up heads.
  5. Who's gonna kiss the Apsaras ? I suppose he has some way of drawing lots or something. Or maybe he auctions the kisses :)
  6. Life must have been hell while growing up. Acne, glasses, braces, all multiplied by 10. It's a good thing he was royal, or he'd have been bullied no end.

No wonder he had to abduct women by force. Can you imagine any woman voluntarily anywhere near a guy with 10 heads ?