January 22, 2007

An evening with God

Our mother, who art in heaven...

She sat there across the table from me, looking positively radiant. I don't think there can be a better word to describe Her. Just radiant.

Stop staring like that, you're embarrassing Me.

I can't help being nervous. A regular date is bad enough; but this is God. She's the alpha and the omega, Ahura Mazda and Ahrimaan. She's the creator / protector / destroyer, omnipotent / omnipresent / omniscient...

Not tonight, I'm none of those things. I'm just a regular human being. Does that help ?

Yes, it does. It also explains why me, a mere mortal, have survived. On hearing Her voice, my head hasn't exploded and my chest hasn't caved in.

Boo! Naah, don't worry. I don't use my scary voice unless I'm pissed.

Eek, I'll be careful then. She smiles very sweetly, and I start talking about Her job. (not a great opening, but in my defense, I was nervous). She's been at it for ever, don't you know. She can't get fired, She has no competition and She has no peer-review (which follows, since She has no peer)...

Hey that's hardly fair...

Wait, wait. I've not finished... but there is a downside too; She has no pay, no raises, no vacation, and worst, She can never quit.

That's an odd way of describing it, but yeah, in a nutshell, that is My job. Like any job, it's got it's ups and downs.

Whew, for a moment I thought She was gonna get angry. The old testament talks at length about God's wrath; it wouldn't do any good to test it's veracity now, would it ? I change the subject to Hitchhikers Guide; if the answer is 42, I'm sure She knows what the question is...

Nope, can't tell ya. But "We apologise for the inconvenience".

Har har, very funny. And to think Nietzsche said she was dead!

It's been said before, but Nietzsche is the one who's dead.

She really does have a sense of humour. There's a lull, and I'm reluctant to ask the millions of questions buzzing in my head. Why are we here ? Is there really an afterlife and hell ? When is Armageddon ? Not to seem tongue tied, I hum a few bars from that song of Joan Osborne, and She flashes me another brilliant smile.

Which one is that, the Joan Osborne version of the Bob Rivers version ?

Bob Rivers!! WHAT if God smoked Cannibus ? Does she really....

What do you think, silly ? I invented the stuff, didn't I ?

We spoke of this and that, mostly just small stuff, nothing of great theological gravity. It was a wonderful and pleasant evening.

Thanks for a lovely evening. Do keep in touch!

And then she was... everywhere. Quite the opposite of gone, really. I see the world now through radiance coloured glasses. Sorry if I sound like some bible-thumping born-again redneck Christian, but I think I'm in love with God.